Grape Expectations - Following suit and your nose

Max Crus
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Fermoy Estate Yallingup Vineyards, WA

Fermoy Estate Yallingup Vineyards, WA [©Max Crus]

Cofield Wines, Rutherglen, Victoria
Tranquil Vale Hunter Valley Semillon
Kilikanoon, Clare Valley, South Australia
Casella Wines Yellow Tail, Riverina, NSW


Women have all the fun. They live longer, have fewer road accidents, don’t fight wars, get to bear children, and dress in fancy, stylish, individual clothes.

Okay, they also get lower wages, less representation in just about everything, have to put up with men, have to bear children, pay more for underwear and dress in fancy, stylish, individual clothes…that they only wear once.

So perhaps men have it all? More money, no childbearing (except financially), shorter lives with plenty of spare time with which to watch sport because they don’t have to waste any bearing children and shopping for fancy, stylish, individual clothing.

No, apart from jeans and King G shirts, all men need is a suit and two ties, including a bow tie.

For the latter even that choice is taken from us - it has to be black, unless you are a flamboyant medical specialist with identity issues.

This presents a dilemma that thus far in history has been given little consideration - women need to be different but don’t give two hoots about what their bloke looks like, as long as he looks like everyone else, wives of medical specialists excepted.

So what happens at those dark-halled balls when partners are separated? How does the female of the species find the right partner again in a sea of penguins?

Obviously and disturbingly, it doesn’t matter. We are just black suits, and anyone will do fine thank you.

However, university tests have shown that women have superior olfactory abilities, so perhaps they do it by smell? Which raises other issues best not mentioned lest we have to start wearing even more aftershave, underarm deodorant and footrot musk.

Anyway, we’ve known for a decade that Ms L. has the superior nose in the Crus household both for labels and contents when it comes to stuff, including, naturally, wines, frequently mimicking ‘Andy’ from Little Britain upon spying a $50 wine in the kitchen…”I wornt that worn”.

“Are you sure, Ms L?”

Followed shortly after opening by “I don’t like it”.

What about one of these?

Cofield Marsanne Viognier 2008, $16. Incredibly interesting smell, that single women could really go for, so blokes, a dab behind the ear, the rest in the gob. 8.7/10.
Kilikanoon The Duke Grenache 2006
, $69. You don’t see many straight Grenaches these days, but this one sets the standard. Superior stuff that belies its 15 percent. 9/10.

Casella Wines [yellow tail] Cabernet Sauvignon, 2008, $8. Well may you sneer, but it’s not as basic as $8 and a kangaroo on the label would suggest.  It’s very sweet so good for a jus on your roo too. 7.5/10.

Gapsted 2006 King Valley Barbera, $27. Affectionately known as Barb by night’s end, regrettably there wasn't enough left for anyone to take home. 8.5/10.

Fermoy Estate Yallingup Vineyards Semillon Sauvignon Blanc 2009, $18. Tall and white, clean and bright. Could have been Eidelweiss vineyards. Have it with the sound of music. 8.6/10.

Tranquil Vale Hunter Valley Semillon, 2008 $17. So clean and refreshing you could shower in it and almost cheap enough to consider. Save that first bucket for the garden (party) though. 8.5/10.


  • Hunter Valley (NSW)
  • Riverina (wine) (NSW)
  • Clare Valley (SA)
  • Rutherglen (VIC)
  • South West WA (WA)

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July 29th, 2009
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