Grape Expectations - The age of elimination

Max Crus
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Krinklewood Blanc de Blanc

Krinklewood Blanc de Blanc [©Max Crus]

Stefano Lubiana (Tasmania) Primavera Chardonnay
Thomson Estate Antiquarian Clare Valley Shiraz
Brothers Parade Adelaide Hills Shiraz
Pewsey Vale Gewurztraminer


We’ve had ice ages, the stone-age, bronze age, iron age, dark ages and middle ages, which gave humans ice, stone, bronze, iron, darkness and middle age respectively.  

We’ve had the Elizabethan era, the Edwardian, Victorian et al, providing architects over the ages with labels for their buildings, furniture and sex lives.

There was the steam age, the internal combustion engine era , the era of flight and the jet age, providing mankind with steam irons, traffic lights, lost luggage and lost aeroplanes.

There’s been various musical eras, the age of Aquarius and the computer age, which, unsurprisingly gave us music, musicals, and five million songs on a postage stamp.

Which raises two questions : what qualifies as an era or age, and where are we now?

How about ‘the era of elimination‘.

We started with Big Brother, a show designed to antagonise contestants and viewers alike until there’s only one person left who is given a bucket load of money and some publicity.

So popular was annoying and eliminating people, the program spawned a veritable swamp full of similar shows. The era of elimination had been voted in.

Now there’s shows for models who can’t stand living together, interior designers, cooks, singers, dancers, fat people, fashionistas and even budding CEOs, none of whom can stand living with one another. 

Given Australia‘s wine glut, perhaps a  wine industry elimination show would work. ‘Big Bottler’ or ‘The Blockie’ perhaps? ‘So you think you can drink‘? ‘Master Vintner‘? ‘The Biggest Boozer‘?

Incidentally, all these are copyrighted just in case. TV producers, please call.

Eliminating winemakers is unkind, but eliminating wines has merit, so how about ‘Australia’s Next Top Bottle‘? I’ll list six contestants each week, you try them and send your votes for which should be eliminated, all via sms, from which I will get squillions.

Just like real ‘reality’ shows, your votes won’t actually count and I will eliminate whichever I want.

And the best bit is with over 10,000 wines out there, this will last for ages.

Here's the first six:

Stefano Lubiana (Tasmania) Primavera Chardonnay
2005, $28. Spring is a time to enjoy wine and what better wine to do so with than Primavera. Too bad it’s winter. Typically tasty Tassie tipple to put a spring in your step and your wine. 8.7/10.

Krinklewood Blanc de Blanc $35. First in and best dressed at the Grand final rehearsal. You could drink this all day, even at an 8 hour footy party. 8.6/10.

Tranquil Vale Shiraz 2006, $18. Something tranquil is what you need after a hard day’s partying, and at 13.5 percent you can do it. 8.3/10.

Pewsey Vale Gewurztraminer 2008, $25.Some like it hot and spicy and while not as spicy as some, it’s still a notch above your average long bottle. 8.9/10.

Thomson Estate Antiquarian Clare Valley Shiraz
2006, $28. The age of Antiquarius? Couldn’t find the lavender mentioned on the back which is good. If you want lavender, go to Tassie, if you want shiraz, go to Clare. 8.5/10.

Brothers Parade Adelaide Hills
Shiraz 2007, $20. Sorry to rain on your parade Bro, but it’s not as ‘fisticated as we expected from a favourite wine region. 8.2/10.


  • Upper Hunter Valley (NSW)
  • Hunter Valley (NSW)
  • Adelaide Hills (SA)
  • Clare Valley (SA)

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July 14th, 2009
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