The Hungover Cookbook by Milton Crawford
How to revive the morning after...
Robyn Lewis
The Hungover Cookbook – Milton Crawford
Is there a jackhammer inside your head? A sewing machine piercing your cranium? Have you just stepped out of the spin cycle of your washing machine? Or has your brain simply floated away?
We’ve all done it at one stage or another. One drink leads to another, the company is fun, the party gets better and better, the conversation (if there was any) more erudite, the music louder, the crowd more beautiful, the drinks just keep flowing….
Then (after somehow getting home) we wake up: head throbbing, throat dry, eyeballs aching, stomach churning, ceiling swimming, or maybe worse.
I shouldn’t have mixed the grape and the grain! (or the alcopop and tequila slammers). I forgot to take my milk thistle tablets!! (purported hangover preventative). I didn’t drink enough water, or eat enough food. Why didn’t someone tell me that homemade cider was so strong? What WAS in that punch?? Whatever, it’s all too late. Your hangover is here.
Coffee is the universal panacea, but it only delays the inevitable. If you are in Australia (and able to move) you may reach for a Berocca and Panadol cocktail, that hangover standby of effervescent vitamin B, salts and sugars with a headache relief chaser. Assuming that works sufficiently to stand up, then what? There may be many hours to Monday morning, and you still have to get through the day. Or perhaps you have lunch with the inlaws or a power meeting coming up. What to do?
Milton Crawford has obviously been in this predicament, more than once. According to his inspiration, the comic writer P.G.Wodehouse’s novel The Mating Season, there are six types of hangover: the Broken Compass, the Sewing Machine, The Comet, the Atomic, the Cement Mixer and the Gremlin Boogie.
‘Each hangover type has its own specific characteristics. And before it’s going to be possible to even think about tackling your hangover, you will need to work out what type of hangover you have…. Milton Crawford is at your service.’
Crawford has come up with a series of fun visual tests and a brief – and highly amusing – questionnaire that will help you discover whether you are dizzy from the Cement Mixer or blown away by the Atomic. These provide the diagnosis, to find the recipes for your particular hangover state.
For clearly the answer is food – but what sort? No sausages and orange juice in sight, fortunately (those who have experienced seasickness will also understand).
Crawford’s recipes have star ratings. He says ‘I’ve designed all the recipes to be as easy as possible for hungover chefs who are in pain and have little patience. However, I’ve also rated each recipe so you can see which are particularly quick and easy, and which will take a little more time and effort’.
On the hungover chef’s difficulty scale, one star is ‘so easy that an agonizing headache and nausea will be no impediment’ and five is ‘loss of coordination, balance and will to live might make this recipe almost impossible; consider getting help’.
On his time rating scale, one star is ‘quick enough to rescue you from doom in the blink of an eye’; five may prove difficult: ‘if you are feeling particularly weak, you may fade before you finish this recipe’. All recipes are for two servings – either you need extra fortification, or have someone to help you cook them (or perhaps in a worse state than you!).
The recipes themselves include quite a few healthy options: melon, feta, mint and ham salad (remember, it’s probably brunch time already); tahini and tomato toast; carrot, orange, apple and ginger juice (all for the Gremlin Boogie); sweet lassi and banana and passion fruit smoothie (for the Cement Mixer); lemon lassi; lime soda; summer berry compote with Greek yoghurt and granola (for the Comet).
Other hangover types clearly need more substance, and lubricant. I don’t think the Heart Foundation will approve of the Elvis Presley peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwich or croissants, Nutella and hot chocolate (both recommended remedies for the Sewing Machine).
Crawford obviously thinks that chillies are a great counter to the Broken Compass: eggs Bhurji with fried bread; a Mexican breakfast; devilled kidneys on toast (really?!); huevos rancheros to name a few.
Really, the recipes are just part of the fun – yes, you might cook them, but probably not when you are hungover, at least not this badly.
Crawford suggests that ‘the obvious place for you to head is your nearest health-food store, perhaps with your tail between your legs…. order….a lentil salad to take away… Well worth the investment in your fragile state … are pre-prepared fruit smoothies … that whatever the actual physical effect on you, will be of great psychological benefit – never to be underestimated’.
The Hungoevr Coobkook is an amusing little book (13 x 18 cm) that might take your hangover to a new level of inspiration. After which, Crawford suggests a bicycle ride to the beach, a lake or river, to soak up some sunshine, preferably in the company of a friend – surely the best cure of all.
“I was left in no doubt about the severity of the hangover when a cat STAMPED into the room”. P.G. Wodehouse has the last word – clearly suffering from the Atomic.
The Hungover Cookbook by Milton Crawford is published by Clarkson Potter, New York (2011; hc 128 pp) and is available by mail order in Australia via booko.com.au from A$9.50 including postage.
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