The shaming of the true

Max Crus
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Rarely am I rude to telemarketers, but sometimes they get off to bad start and the temptation to be a smart-bottom is too much.

”Hello, my name is Gandhi, is that Mr Crust”, came the opening gambit.

“The name is Crus, rhymes with booze. What are you selling”.

“I am sorry to hear that Mr Crust, but we are not selling anything”.

“What are you going to give me for free then?”

“Sorry Mr Crust, we are not trying to give you anything either.”

“Come on, there must be a catch. I know you telemarketers. Free phone if I spend $100,000, a free holiday if I win the draw? Or hang on, is this a survey, I love surveys, and how is the weather in Mumbai? How about Tendulkar, eh? Must be three in the morning over there. What’s your hourly rate? Same as Spotlight employees I suppose.”

“Mr Crust, I am ringing to thank you for choosing CheapPhone as your telecommunications carrier. We value your custom.”

How do you think I felt? This poor bugger has the best telemarketing job this side of the Taj Mahal - albeit on a wage John Howard would be proud of - ringing to say “thank you” and he still cops abuse.

The next best telemarketing job might just be selling wine. Apparently a mob called Cellar Force sell over $8million worth each year in Australia.

So spare a thought for the poor telemarketers, specially since your next call may be just to say thank you or another laudable aim such as flog you wine. No harm in that is there?

Your local bottlo might not think so.

This approach doesn’t really cut out the middle man, it just inserts a different one. Not to mention the added costs of sending lots of small packages instead of one large pallet to your local.

Then again you don’t have to leave your chair.

Hmm, better consider this some more over a red or two. “Ms L can you bring me another glass please?”

“I’m on the phone.”

Cowra Estate Eagle Rock Chardonnay 2005, $? Sometimes you meet a chardonnay that is just right for you. This could be mine if it's cheap enough. 8.5/10.

Kirrihill estate 2003 Shiraz, $23. Reviewed last year at 8.5/10 I am inclined to agree with myself. 8.5/10.

Ben Potts Fiddle’s Block Shiraz 2003, $32? The first glass had me wondering why I opened such a gutsy wine (15.5percent). The second glass answered my question and the third reinforced my good taste, as well as my good looks, humour and singing ability. 8.7/10.

Allira Sauvignon Blanc 2005, $11-13. Like a poorly behaved dog, this is suitably satisfying, until it bites. 7/10.

Coldstream Hills 2005 Chardonnay, $30ish. How unusual to find a classy chardonnay that doesn’t have a bucketload of wood. Bit of a surprise, but we overcame it. 8.6/10.

(Garry Crittenden Mornington Peninsula) Geppetto shiraz, 2004, $18. Hands up all those who remember that Geppetto was Pinocchio’s dad. Top of the class TP, have another glass. Completely different from your average wooden shiraz, and like Pinocchio’s nose, grows on you. 8.2/10.

Wines reviewed:
Cowra Estate Eagle Rock Chardonnay 2005
Kirrihill estate 2003 Shiraz
Ben Potts Fiddle’s Block Shiraz 2003
Allira Sauvignon Blanc 2005
Coldstream Hills 2005 Chardonnay
(Garry Crittenden Mornington Peninsula) Geppetto shiraz, 2004

© Max Crus

Column on the telemarketing of wine published the week beginning July 23rd 2006

Published in Cairns Post/Rockhampton Morning Bulletin/Northern Star Lismore)/Daily Examiner (Grafton)/Wagga Daily Advertiser/Geelong Advertiser.

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