Method in their Marketing Madness

Max Crus
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Tasting wine at the cellar door in the Hunter Valley, NSW

Tasting wine at the cellar door in the Hunter Valley, NSW

Warning: This column may be recorded for quality purposes.

“Tie me up, yes you can tie me up, yeh, you can tie me up, da na da nana na na na na na na.” You know the TV advertisement?

I think those are the words, I can’t make them out and frankly, the tune is so annoying I have never tried. Furthermore as it crops up during my favourite programs it is muted while more important things such as dishes or toe-nails, are attended to.

I still don’t know what they are advertising, and if I did, would avoid it determinedly. Doubtless we all have such an ad, so how is it that marketing has become so misplaced?

Telemarketing perhaps. Given the propensity for people to tell telemarketers where to go, although it is unlikely that is ever one of their questions, how can researchers ever hope to get worthwhile information?

Wouldn’t they get results grossly skewed towards the predilections of unemployed or retired, cardigan-wearing, lonely weirdos? That would explain McDonalds, and the current colours of Fords.

Anyway, one of the questions I answered recently was “are you low, medium or high white collar?” What was that all about?

Despite such obscurity in method, there are marketing successes. Take the packaging of the 30th Anniversary Koonunga Hill range. While half the gathering thought it was rubbish, Ms L loved it and therefore it must be stylish.

Or the new Yellowtail bubbly. It came with a couple of tiny champagne glass bubble blowers and a 128mb memory stick, although I don’t think everyone gets one of those with their $10 purchase. That might just be for we cardigan-wearing, lonely weirdos.

Or Matilda Bay’s latest creation, a coffee beer, complete with a little sack of Aussie arabica beans. Again, this may only be for sad sack survey lovers.

So do the contents live up to the hype? Here’s a few reviews of those trade tricks and a few more besides.

Penfolds Koonunga Hill 30th Anniversary range, $15 each. Everyone had their favourite of both labels and wines. Some preferred Bryce Courtney to John Eales or Professor Ian Frazer. Took us ages in dim light to discover the straight shiraz didn’t have a character but was simply titled the Pearl Release. All scored about 8-8.5/10 which is more than serviceable.

Matilda Bay Crema, $15 (750ml). Coffee beer sounds like disaster for VB lovers. Stuff ‘em, they don’t know what they are missing. really lovely stuff, but I don’t know if you could have one every time Boony went off. 9/10.

Yellow tail bubbles, $10ish. Casella aren’t afraid to call this ‘bubbles’, and what you would expect from such a name is what you get. 7/10.

The Little Wine Company Gewurz(traminer) 2006, $19. If only there was more of it, gewurz would surely get drunk, and we would on gewurz. Lovely little grape, lovely little wine, lovely little name for a wine. 8.5/10.

Maven Marlborough (NZ) 2006 Sauvignon Blanc, $18. The groovy label will appeal to arty types and the contents will appeal to just about anyone who likes wine. Terrific stuff for a gallery opening. 8.8/10.

© Max Crus

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